It’s almost a month since my last post. A lot of things have happened in those few weeks and the chances to write long posts about them just passed me by. Right now I just want to make some updates. Wherever this may take me I don’t care. Just a few words..I guess..Hehe.
I didn’t attend the Care Group today. I have cough that seems to gain victory in throwing off my lungs and throat to Siberia. I hope it will be gone soon. It’s quite tiring wiping out droplets of saliva on my computer monitor. Gross..
Last week our family went to a cousin’s wake. He died of tuberculosis at the age of 42 leaving his wife and two cute little sons. Usually, during a death in the family or a friend, a person has that cathartic moment to think about his life and how he is living it. Realizations, even resolutions, kick in and give you a new view of your own life and how you should live the following days until the day you die. But, while I was there with my cousins, I realized something that is so far from the aforementioned situation. I thought about our family’s (on the father’s side) fondness to gambling. They said that gambling runs in our blood. From the grandparents to the young ones, from the people before us up to, hopefully not, the generations to follow. While watching my cousins having a grand time that night, I realized that we are so doomed. Our children are cursed even before they are born. Parents are wholeheartedly supporting their children, who’s ages range from eight to eighteen, to bet with the little money they got. It’s not an issue of gambling, or having a good time, it is about stewardship. Then, suddenly, a huge boulder fell from above to knock me down. Who am I to speak about stewardship? I realized that, most of the time, my money are all spent to the single centavo only three days after the payday. Lol! I’m here blabbering about my ancestor’s gambling legacy when I have my own “gambling” going on with my own money at stake. One thing is for sure though. We seriously need help. The help that will redeem my family from this bondage. The help that can only be found from the grace of God and the blood of Jesus Christ. No one’s excempted..not even me..
Another thing. Our church is undergoing a reorganization of all the key positions. It turned out they have given me a position that, I think, is too much for me. Starting September, I will be the second in command to our pastor. This appointment is so overwhelming, in the scary sense of the word. I can say that I didn’t do well as a youth leader (that was my previous position). And this thing that they have given me is much much bigger than that. A friend told me that I shouldn’t have my evaluation based on my previous performance, it’s like putting a limitation on what God can do with my life at present. It is true, it doesn’t matter how young or experienced I am to have this position. As long as He called me to do this, I should just trust and obey. Although I’m thinking I haven’t received a clear confirmation whether God has really called me for this or not. Please include me in your prayers, that I will have a clear picture of what He really wills for me in this matter.
Also, I listened to Joshua Harris (author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl) give a sermon on the The Cost of Discipleship. I got convicted by it, that if I really want to follow God, I have to free myself from extra baggages, whatever they are. They can be relationships, ambitions, desires, possessions, anything. No, everything. I’m still having a hard time freeing myself from those baggages. It is hard identifying what they are and it is much harder trying to give them up. But why settle for crumbs when He has prepared a great feast in front of us? He even promised that everything will be given to us if we will just seek Him first.
Be still… Be still…